Designing a World of Hope: I Can't Do It

It’s been quite a long time since I’ve updated my blog, but hopefully you have been enjoying my videos instead. You can view them in my video library or just click here.

The Lord has brought many new challenges my way this term, and I praise him for that. I think all too many times we pray for comfort rather that character, when it is obvious from his Word that he cares more about the latter. So when I prayed and asked him for character, he did not hesitate to answer.

It started early this year, when I really wanted to make the best use of my time here in Kampala. I ended up committing to teaching English every Monday and Tuesday night. I saw that there was a huge need for this at the local ministry “Refuge & Hope" and I figured since I spoke English and I had done some one-on-one tutoring in the past that this would be something I could do.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

The very next Monday when I arrived at Refuge & Hope I was dropped in front of a class of 25 Muslim adults from South Sudan, Ethiopia and Somalia with nothing but an expo marker and a white board. Every single one of the refugees had their hopeful eyes pointed at me. Dressed in their traditional clothing, armed with pens and paper, they were eager to learn the language that would bring them a better life.

“I can’t do it”

The next hour and a half consisted of much improvising and stumbling. I ended up teaching them words that rhyme with “hat.” It was probably not the lesson they were expecting to learn, but at least they had some fun.

As I was walking home I realized that I was going to have to do this for at least 30 more times in the next few months. That was when the anxiety hit. I thought: “How am I going to do this? I just can’t do this.” But I committed, so I decided to stick with it. God made it clear to me that this is where he wants me. My students might hear the gospel here at Refuge & Hope. This is important.

So for the next two weeks I started to figure out some teaching methods that worked well, and I got some good advice from my peers. However, the anxiety was still there. I still did not feel confident enough to do the work God had for me.

Fast-forward a few weeks. I am starting to run out of ideas. The Internet (which had been main source for teaching material) had not worked for the past week. I could not get any lesson plans, and I grew even more anxious. I decided to buy a 3G Internet stick for my Mac, but I did not have enough shillings, and the ATM was closed. So After borrowing some cash and taking a few hours off work, I arrived at the store only to find they were out of stock.

I’m sure you can empathize with the frustration and stress that I felt in this moment. I fortunately managed to get an Internet stick with some airtime on it, but I only had an hour before my students arrived. I raced back to Refuge & Hope anxious to prepare a lesson plan.

Once I got back, I pull out my Mac and proceed to plug in the 3G Internet stick. You can guess what happened next right? The thing wasn’t compatible with my Mac! I don’t want to admit it, but my heart was filled with anger. “C’mon God! I want to serve you, so let this Internet stick work! Please!” As I spend more time scurrying through the building, trying to find a book to teach from, there is only one thought going through my mind.

“I can’t do this. I just can’t do this”

As I sit down defeated, I look up and ask God in desperation just how he wants me to pull this off. At this moment Lydia, the head teacher, approaches me with a concerned face.

“Alex, can you do something for me?”

“Uh sure, what is it?”

“Michael can’t make it tonight, so we need to combine his class with yours. Is that ok?”

A big smile appeared on my face. I finally got it.

“Of course Lydia, don’t worry about it”

I finally got the message God had for me, He had been telling me for weeks now. It was so obvious, I felt bad for not getting it right away. This is what He was saying:

“You can’t do it, but I can.”

He gave me a job that is impossible, because he wants to do it for me. He wants to do it through me. He wants to do it in me. My mind goes to the words God gave to Paul in 2 Corinthians 13:9.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”

I keep on going back to the beauty of the gospel, that God is the one who does all good things through us. He exchanged our heart of stone and replaced it with a heart of flesh (Ez 36:26). He causes us to walk in his statutes and He pours his Spirit over us (Psalm 119 & Joel 2:28).

God taught me a valuable lesson that night; he wanted my heart to fully trust in his ability to do things when I can’t. He wants us to labor for his kingdom with excellence and be fully reliant on His sovereign power. We can't do it without him. Only because of His grace can we do any good in this life. So whenever we try to do it on our own, we will fail. However, when we labor with Him he does the impossible. (Mt 19:26)

In case you were wondering, that English lesson I taught was the best one ever since I started. Everyone was engaged, there was discussion, and I saw many new faces the next week. The peace and joy I felt after teaching that lesson with him was glorious. There really is nothing else in this world better than serving Him.

Thanks for reading! I hope it left you encouraged and refreshed. I will leave you with some of my favorite pictures from the last few weeks.

In the dust of His feet,
-Alex